I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
So squirting runs in the family.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
