She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
