i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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