I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
