I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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