I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
