and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
