Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
