I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
not ubering you a puppy
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
