Banned from zoo.
Again?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
