so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Boobs are out for the taking
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
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