I just cut my nipple shaving
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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