Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
