god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
