Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
