He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
