How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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