The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
