I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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