ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
