he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
