My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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