my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
