Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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