just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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