i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
