Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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