Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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