I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
