I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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