I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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