i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize