Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
