i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
