I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
