i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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