no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
