2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
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I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
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P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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