Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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