you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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