When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
