Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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