I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize