I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
