Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
