I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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