she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
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