Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
