So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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