I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize