can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Terrible idea I love it
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
