no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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