all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
