I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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