never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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