I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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