Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I checked into jail on foursquare
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
