After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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