there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
