He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
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Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
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Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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