my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
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