your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
