No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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