she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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