she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
